In this passage, the narrator considers his family's history and migration from Mexico to Texas, which was once part of Mexico. I never understood people's fascination with immortality.
The idea of life without end gave me chills. Even as a kid, I wanted to be among my family and my ancestors, wailing throughout a short time together. I wanted to bind Texas and Mexico together like a raft strong enough to float out onto the ocean of time, with our past trailing in the wake behind us like a comet tail of memories. But the past can be difficult to conjure again when so little has been left behind. Some families in Mexico have troves of their ancestors' belongings, from the pottery of the ancients and paintings of Mexico City in the eighteenth century to helmets and shields of the Spaniards. By comparison, my family, the Santos, are traveling light through time. Virtually nothing has been handed down, not because there was nothing to give, but after leaving Mexico to come to Texas - so many loved ones left behind, cherished places and things abandoned - they ceased to regard anything as a keepsake. Everything was given away. Or they may have secretly clung so closely to treasured objects that they never passed them on. Then these objects were lost. My uncle Lico ferreted out the past as a passionate genealogist who used research, fantasy, and spells of breathless madness to craft his ancestral charts of the branches of our family. Some are elaborate discs, in which each outward concentric ring represents a new generation. In others, quickly dashed off as notes to himself, ragged trees and jagged lines are drawn between names like Evaristo, Vivano, Blas, and Hermenegilda. In one, going back to $$1763$$, the capstone slot contains the cryptic entry "King of Spain," from whom, presumably, he believed we were descended. Subtle faculties and proclivities were passed, speechlessly, through the flesh of successive generations. The ghosts of Spanish royalty mingled with Indians, Black people, and others from every part of the world in Uncle Lico's secret genealogy. Yet, despite the ridicule of many, he managed to recover numerous names and stories. Lico knew I had some of the same magnetic attraction to the past that fueled his manic genealogies, as if the molecules of our bodies were polarized in a way that drew us both back in time, back, inexorably, toward the ancestors.
In my dreams, the ancestors who have passed on a visit with me in this world. They ask me questions they were once asked: Where did our forbears come from and what have we amounted to in this world? Where have we come to in the span of time, and where are we headed, as an arrow shot long ago into infinite empty space? What messages and markings of the ancient past do we carry in these handed-down bodies we live in today?
With these questions swirling inside me, I have rediscovered some stories of the family past in the landscapes of Texas and Mexico, in the timeless language of stone, river, wind, and trees. My great-uncle Abran was a master of making charcoal. He lived in the Texas hill country, where the cedars needed to make charcoal were planted a century ago. Today, long after he worked there, walking in the central Texas landscape crowded with deep cedar, I feel old Abran's presence, like the whisper of a tale still waiting to be told, wondering whether my intuition and the family's history are implicitly intertwined. Even if everything else had been lost - photographs, stories, rumors, and suspicions - if nothing at all from the past remained for us, the land remains, as the original book of the family. It was always meant to be handed down.